I have been following Proverbs 31 Ministry for a while now, and get their daily devotions sent to my email.  Today’s devotion really hit home, and its something that I needed!

 Though the fig tree does not bud
   and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
   and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
   and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
   I will be joyful in God my Savior.- Habakkuk 3:17-18

The past week has been fairly difficult and emotionally challenging. I’ve definitely felt little reason to rejoice. I have had significant heartache and bitterness. I’ve felt hopeless and attacked. In a 30 minute span of time one morning I had not so encouraging news from my doctor, found out someone had a baby (when you’re dealing with infertility, this is an emotionally packed moment), and had to deal with a case at work involving the death of a baby. My already aching heart was crushed!

The P31 devotion today came at such a pivotal moment. I can easily identify with the fig tree that doesn’t bud and the bare vines. I feel like the the olive crop that has failed and the field that did not produce fruit. This past week I, too, have been empty like the pen and stalls.  

When I read this scripture this morning, I knew that even though I’ve been “empty” here lately, I had choices to make. I could either allow satan to steal my joy or I could choose to rejoice in God my Savior. I want joy! I have the choice to either be bitter at where God has me, or I can embrace it and be right where He wants me to be. I want to be where He wants me! I also have the choice to lose patience, or trust in His timing. I want to trust in Him!

~E~

I think the majority of us would agree that we often hide in our shells things that we don’t want the world to know. Our spouses and/or family may know our hearts, but we don’t let others see the *real* person we are. We’re always “fine”. Things are going “great”. But are they really “fine” and “great”?

Why do we hide? Are we ashamed of our struggles? Do we think we’re the only ones in the world that could possibly be experiencing what we’re going through?

The past few months I’ve really contemplated restarting my blog or if it was a waste of time. Joe finally made mention that he’s thought about writing some, and thats when I thought we should take this journey together. But on this journey, I’ve wanted to be more real, not hide certain things because I was afraid of putting things out there for others to know. And in the midst of all of it, I want others to see how Christ is blessing our lives- both in great times and in the storms.

If you’ve not had a chance to read through the sidebar of IF Etiquette, you may have not realized what “IF” stands for. You may have thought it read “if”. IF stands for infertility. And its a battle than 1 in 10 couples face. A lot of people aren’t educated about infertility, unfortunately, and therefore they don’t understand it. People don’t realize that when a couple has been diagnosed with infertility, it means they’ve been trying (consistently) for at least one year to have a baby or they’ve suffered recurrent miscarriages. Some people can take fertility pills (Clomid or Femara) and get pregnant right away. For a lot of others though, its not that simple. For some people, like us, its YEARS! It takes a lot of time, money, and heartache.

Lets be honest, infertility stinks. Really bad a lot of days. God blessed me/us last year when he took Joe and I from one church and showed us where He wanted us to serve. We had just started into our second year of infertility and I felt that I was all alone in the world. God knew my heart was aching through this battle, so He placed a friend in my life at our new church. Someone who had journeyed the path before and someone I could confide in and seek advice and encouragement from. I am thankful for that!

This YouTube video may give you a great idea of what people who struggle with infertility go through- especially the emotional aspect of it!

The more honest I am with people and the more open I begin to become, I’m realizing that we’re not the only ones out there facing this. Others I know have faced it in the past. And those that have not are learning more about it. Infertility is often a very private journey that people face. We often feel broken and we don’t want people to know that we too suffer from imperfection. But infertility isn’t something we can help. Its a medical problem, just like someone suffering from Crohn’s, Celiac, or yes, even cancer. Our bodies don’t function the way they should or the way we desperately wish they would!

A song thats been pretty powerful and shows the raw emotions of one battling IF is “I Would Die For That” by Kellie Coffey

We know that God has a plan for us, and for our family. God created us. He knows the desires of our hearts.

God makes beautiful things!