Category Archives: Life

Mar22

This Week’s Highlight Reel

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Aside from the nights where sleep has been a struggle and never-ending snotty noses, we’ve had a great week! It constantly amazes me how fast Jonathan is growing up. I’m loving the little personality that keeps growing.

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The weather was nice on Sunday so we walked down to the playground and let Jonathan swing for the first time. I’m pretty sure he had a blast! We’ve gone back a few times since then, but the weather has gotten fairly cold so we’re limiting time outside.

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Jonathan’s love for books at such a young age really impresses me! He is constantly picking up books, walking across them room and handing them to us so that we can read to him. If we’re not paying attention or taking to long, he’ll start throwing the book to us! Then we will sit and read…and read…and read. I think I’ve read one book close to 15 times in a row. But I love every moment of it!

He also has a tendency to wake up in the middle of the night, grab his book and flip through it instead of sleeping. Nap time also gets delayed because he likes to sit in his bed and read now! Thanks to his grandma, he has a bunch of new books to keep him occupied!

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Our little monster is also walking like crazy. In fact, I think if he could steady himself enough, he’d run!  We were sitting by the front door on Wednesday when his daddy pulled into the driveway. I stood up and said “lets go get daddy!” He walked down the hall, through the living room and made it to the kitchen before falling down. But at that point he could see “da-da”, so he was happy!

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Everything has become a drum too! Cabinets, chairs, the floor,piano bench, and the upside-down bucket, the toilet lid…

The highlight of my week came yesterday when Jonathan pushed his (formerly my) rocking chair across the room next to where I was sitting. He wanted to sit in the chair beside me! I sat him in it and turned on a cartoon for him to watch for a few minutes. He loved it and sat there trying to rock (the bottom of the chair has been worn down from use since my sister was a baby, through me and my three nieces). SO adorable!

rocking chair

 

Our little baby is growing up! I can’t believe that I’m already gathering things for his first birthday in less than a month and a half. Where has time gone?

Mar14

Spring e-Cleaning

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I’ve been thinking about some of the things that bog me down during the day. My computer is one of them! Ok, my computer is pretty much the only big one. There is so much online that wastes my time.

Some of these time wasters are:

  • Email that I have to wade through. As of yesterday, there were thousands of messages in my email inbox, about 300 unread ones.
  • Facebook- be it groups I don’t participate in, pages I “liked” to claim coupons or enter contests, and people who really have too much drama in their lives and I really don’t need to know about the every detail of their day or their fight with so-and-so.
  • Twitter notifications, even though I’ve not done much on Twitter in the few years I’ve had an account.
  • Followings on Pinterest. I *love* Pinterest, and I’ve used it to better our home and life in certain ways

But Spring is nearing and before I tackle the madness in my house, I’ve started to clean up my little portion of the internet!

  • I’ve weeded out my email. I no longer have 3,000 or so emails in my inbox or 300 unread emails. There are now less than 150 emails in my box (most of which contain some level of importance) and less than 20 I’ve not read. I no longer have folders and folders of unread mail either. They’re all gone!
  • I’ve unsubscribed to roughly 50 different mailings I would get on a daily or weekly basis. If I don’t visit the website within a week or two, why bother continuing my email subscription?  And can I just say, LivingSocial and Groupon are the two worst offenders of email spam! They have so many sub-category email groups. I don’t need Groupon goods or LivingSocial escapes. One email a day from their company is more than enough, not ten!
  • Facebook has been trimmed too. Over the course of the past few weeks, I’ve deleted roughly 200 friends. Maybe that sounds mean, but I’ll explain my reasoning. I’ve been a part of the Facebook world since the beginning of 2005, and thus accumulated a number of friends from all areas of my life. If I’ve not talked with the person in the last five to ten years, are we really “friends” or do we just stalk each others news-feed?  If the person hasn’t been active on Facebook in years, why are we still “friends”? If you have more drama in your life than a tv soap opera, do I really need to be subjected to it on a daily (or hourly) basis? Nah! Cleaning out my “friends” list has been so freeing!
  • Twitter. Oh Twitter. I really don’t like you and have never really used you. In fact, my account has now been deleted. One less thing to worry with or to clog my email and iPhone
  • Pinterest followings. I don’t follow a ton of people on Pinterest. But there is a reason for that. Not that I don’t like my ~1500 followers, because believe me, I do! The problem is, when I start following a lot of people, I can EASILY find my ADHD kicking into high gear. Instead, I’ve pared down the list of people I follow to a small handful (less than 30). It makes life a little more simple for me. And, I can easily click-through my friends and followers when time allows (not often here lately) to see their pins.

Cleaning up my little slice of internet pie is making things so much more breezy! Instead of having to delete 50-100 emails a day and respond to maybe 1 or 2, now I can respond to 1 or 2, and delete 4 or 5! And, less drama on Facebook is always welcomed!

Mar4

Failing

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I looked back at my goals for the year this morning in an attempt to see if I’ve accomplished much over the past two months. Only a few small things I can check off my list…reading more, paying off one of our student loans, and making my bed on a regular basis (well, I’ve failed at that this past week). I’m failing to accomplish a lot of the things I really want to do this year.

This past month has taken a lot out of me…emotionally, spiritually, mentally.

In the end though, I feel as though some changes are due in order to get back on track and accomplish some of the things I need and want to get done.

Feb19

Dear Military Moms

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Can I just start by saying I cannot imagine how you do it. And by “it”, I mean raising children on your own and/or being without your husband because he’s deployed or out training somewhere for extended periods of time.  I don’t envy you. I do, however, admire you.

Joe was gone from 6:30 am yesterday, until the late hours of the night. Hospital rounds, work, meetings galore. This happens once a month. And I don’t get to talk with him much that entire day (sometimes less than 10 minutes). And yes, I want to whine because of it. I MISS MY HUSBAND!

I don’t know how you all do it. I see some of my Facebook friends posts…dads who Skype with their kids and read them stories, moms doing big countdowns until the day the love of her life is once again in her arms, the stress of doing it alone.

Military moms, you deserve a medal!

(And I’m guessing that a lot of this holds true to military dads who’s wives are deployed, but I’m not a man/dad, so I don’t know the emotional ups and downs that you go through)
Feb18

One week later

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I’m writing this post on Wednesday, the 13th of February. I have no idea if I’ll ever hit publish, or if I’ll just keep it safely stored away in my private settings. It has been one week since the loss of our little girl started. One week ago our life was changed forever. My heart trusts the Lord has a plan with all of this, but it still doesn’t take away those moments of sadness that sneak up on me.

Moments where another person joyfully announces they are pregnant. I don’t fault them, I would have been in their place eventually, had things progressed differently. Moments when you forget that you reactivated your baby registry at a store, simply to get coupons started again and to excitedly browse baby furniture, and the store calls to congratulate you on your pregnancy and to thank you for signing up for their registry. Moments where you look into your little boys eyes and think of what a great big brother he would make, even if he’s still so young.

But I’m trying to find joy. Trying to find hope. It’s not in the big stuff. The little stuff is quite significant right now. The kiss of my loving husband who would do anything in the world to take away any ounce of pain. The nonstop laughs of the cutest little boy on the planet. Watching my little guy try to play the piano, but if he were a few more inches taller, it would be easier. The phone call from a concerned pastor just wanting to check on me, and reassuring me of my baby’s existence and significance. The text messages from friends who want to make things better. A book that says just what I need to hear confirmed.

While we may never kiss our sweet baby’s cheeks, I’m thankful to know that she’s safe in heaven. She’s safe from the sin of this world. She’ll never have to experience heartache like we do here on earth. She gets to experience true joy for eternity. And that alone makes me happy!

Feb15

No Title Fitting Enough

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A few years ago we met with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) to discuss our battle with infertility that had gone on for over two years. After multiple tests, the doctor came back with the results and told us it was unlikely that we would ever conceive a child without invasive procedures such as IVF. While we had (and still have) no problems with others pursuing IVF, we did not feel the Lord leading us down that path. We strongly felt that if His will was for us to have our own biological child(ren), he would provide other ways. We decided to try a less invasive fertility treatment, and were beyond blessed with Jonathan.

The road to pregnancy was a long, painful one. The emotional turmoil was incredible. At one point I knew close to 60 women who were pregnant at the same time. I prayed, I cried, I even threw a few temper tantrums at God. There were ladies popping out baby after baby, and some were not taking care of them. They weren’t loving and appreciating the gift they’d been given, and I was mad. I was hurt that while we waited, friends were getting pregnant with their second and third child. I had so many questions for God. I wanted answers.

God blessed me with a friend who had walked the road before me. While it didn’t take the crushing pain of infertility away, it did ease it. I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Jonathan is now 9 months old. He’s growing up and maturing faster than I’m ready for. I love every minute of being his mom.

I love the calling of being a mom. But now Joe and I can no longer say that Jonathan is our only child. Our lives have drastically changed again.

Recently we were shocked to find out that the Lord had blessed us with another pregnancy. Shocked at the timing. Shocked at the fact that we got pregnant without the use of fertility treatments. Overwhelmed with God’s graciousness. Honestly, I took the test to rule out pregnancy. I knew I was pretty late, but attributed it to the fact Jonathan was going through a growth spurt and I was nursing more. Our world quickly entered into fast forward.

While the excitement abounded, I was actually pretty nervous. I think I have some strange form of PTSD because of the sheer stress Jonathan’s sleep issues have caused. I went months with sleeping in 30 minute increments it felt like. We’ve come a long way, but what if the second baby had similar problems? How on earth could I be a good mom to Jonathan and a new baby? Would I be adequate enough?

And then the heart-wrenching began. I started spotting. I kept trying to remind myself that this, along with strong cramping, happened the entire first trimester with Jonathan. I was trying my hardest to stay calm, but fear struck. And it struck hard. Over the course of 24 hours, the spotting turned to full force bleeding and passing clots. I knew what was happening. Having spent years working in pathology, I knew what I was seeing. Our little baby, the one we’d only had the chance to celebrate its life for a few short days, had left us. Tests and ultrasounds the following day confirmed what I already knew.

The heartache has been real. While my little baby may not have survived for very long, it won’t be forgotten. I want to tell the doctor that told me “it’s as if it never happened”, that yes, yes it happened. The Lord gave us this child. For reasons that I will never know, He allowed it to be taken from us soon thereafter. I’ve wanted to be mad at God, but deep in my heart, I know that’s not the answer. Getting mad at God gives the devil victory. I have to trust that the Lord has a plan in all of this.

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But we can’t allow our little one to go unrecognized. Albeit short, there was a life within me. A life that has passed straight to heaven. Instead of one baby, we now have two. One living here on earth, one celebrating in heaven.

To give our little one’s life the recognition and respect it deserves, we have chosen a name. Some people may never understand our desire to do so. In Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, she quotes another author on the significance of naming.

“Now, in the Bible a name … reveals the very essence of a thing, or rather its essence as God’s gift … To name a thing is to manifest the meaning and value God gave it, to know it as coming from God and to know its place and function within the cosmos created by God. To name a thing, in other words, is to bless God for it and in it.”

It was too early to determine if our baby would have been a boy or girl, but we felt strongly about picking out a girls name. So, our little girl, who is dancing in the streets of heaven is named Giana, which means “God is gracious” in Hebrew. She was important to us. Her short life has impacted our lives greatly.

Feb5

9 Months

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9 months

This post is a wee little late, but nevertheless, I wanted to document our amazing little guys 9 months here! I cannot believe time is passing by so quickly. I have flashbacks to when we were on our way to the hospital and the craziness that ensued! Over the past month you have grown so much!

On the 12th of January, you decided it was time to start standing up on your own. Once you figured this out, it wouldn’t be long before you started learning to cruise. We finally had to block you in with a fence so that you wouldn’t mess with the television or you wouldn’t escape when we weren’t looking.

You love being read to. Your love for books grows constantly.

When I carry you through the hall and you see your daddy’s picture on the wall, you get so excited!!!

You’ve started learning to give kisses too!

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You love it when we put you on our bed and flip you over. You think that is one of the greatest things ever!

You’re eating more and more food and loving it. We gave you your first Popsicle this month too! You were really cranky, we think due to teething problems. Chewing on toys and a teething ring just weren’t cutting it. So we broke out the good stuff! And you LOVED it!

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is also a favorite. While mommy doesn’t let you watch much television during the day, she does let you watch Mickey!

One of these days your sleep problems will subside…we just know it! But for now, we’re just trying to make it through!

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Jan30

Where in the world is…

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Carmen SanDiego?

I’m not sure her current locale, but I can tell you where I am and where I’ve been! I’m currently hiding out in plain site while the little guy naps, trying to accomplish a bazillion things. This list includes sweeping up the crushed Cherrios I manage to keep finding throughout my kitchen!

I’ve tried to work harder on my goal of not spending a lot of time on the computer so I can focus more on my house and family, hence the lack of posting. Jonathan is ramping up the separation anxiety and teething, so I’m within touching distance of him at.all.times. Thank goodness for my Kindle app on my cell phone. I can sneak in a few paragraphs between being a human jungle gym and reading stories. I love it though and wouldn’t give it up for anything in this world!

Over the next few days/week I hope to have a few things posted. These will include Jonathan’s 9 month update (yikes! Already!!!) and a review of the 4 books and 2 short ebooks I’ve knocked out this month. Some of them you’ll definitely want to pick up! So stay tuned for those.

Life is crazy right now, but I’m thankful for it!

Jan12

We’re Almost Halfway Into January?

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Its kind of hard to believe that we’re almost halfway through the month of January. In fact, I’m finding it hard to believe that I’m 31 years old, married and have a baby. Boy time flies! I feel like I should be a little kid still, hanging out at our pool with friends, and enjoying my summer vacation. But I’m not. I’m here, planning my grocery shopping list, cutting coupons and matching to sales, and praying that the food budget I created for this month holds (I’m so green at this thing!). It’s also not summer vacation by the pool. Its dreary out and I’m mad at the weatherman for giving me the impression that it was supposed to be sunny and 70 in January.

I’m already finding myself glancing back at my goals for 2013 to see if I’m making any progress whatsoever. I know we’re only 12 days in, but for me it is good accountability.

  • For my personal goals, I’ve managed to get out once with my new jogging stroller in an attempt to reclaiming my running ways. I was going to head out today, but I doubt that will happen (thank you Mr. Weatherman). My quiet times have existed, but they’ve not been so quiet. It seems most days when I’m trying to get it in during Jonathan’s nap, he chooses that day to go for the gold in sleep fighting. I’ve finished 2 books this month, but the soda/water thing hasn’t been going as well. I need to focus a little more effort on this.
  • The marriage and parenting categories could be much better, but its hard to measure most of those goals only 12 days in.
  • Our home is getting back to normal thanks to my personal challenge  - 30 Days to Reclaim My House. I’ve managed to make up my bed every day, which is probably just as much as I’ve made it up over the past five years. Don’t judge ;)
  • I’m doing my best to be a better steward with our finances. Coupons have been clipped and compared with the weekly sales flyer. I’ve kept myself from purchasing things that are not necessary. If I find something I like, I put it on my Amazon wish list for the time being, and then I can edit it along the way! It saves me from impulse buys! I’m also using this month (and maybe a few more) to test out the cash envelope system Dave Ramsey suggests. We’re starting with our grocery category and we’ll go from there!